by James Webb
One Saturday, many years ago, Ruth and I were travelling to London by train. We were sitting, waiting for the train to depart, when a couple and their young daughter got on. The man found a seat, but the woman stood by the open door, finishing her cigarette. The young girl, who must have been maybe five or six years old, began to speak Read more
Crowded together on this train, heading to the city;
Only this is taking much longer than I had hoped.
Nobody seems to care about my needs;
Sitting there, with their loud conversations, loud music, loud chewing.
I can’t believe this is happening.
Do you hear him? He’s singing along to the music on his headphones!
Enjoy the music, go on! Don’t consider what I might want;
Really, all I want to do is read my book in peace.
Oh, now what’s this? Another stop at another station.
There’s a man getting on. I hope he doesn’t sit next to me;
He’s, shall we say, rather on the large side. I bet he smells too.
Everyone’s smiling, watching as he makes his way down the carriage;
Right and left, right and left, he looks for an empty seat, and stops next to me.
Sure, sit right down why don’t you? What else could go wrong?
Bad parents, messy eaters, I’ve got them all;
Everyone, it seems, is out to ruin my day.
This would be a really nice journey if it weren’t for them.
The headphone singer seems to be getting louder;
Even Gandhi would have punched this guy by now.
Relaxing, this ain’t!
This is the worst group of people I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet;
How did I end up in a carriage with them?
All we’ve got in common is our destination;
Now I’m expected to put up with all their nonsense?
You’ve got to be kidding me!
Our friend, Mr Fatty, has fallen asleep!
Unbelievable! His head’s on my shoulder! My shoulder!
Right away he starts to snore.
Somebody help me – I think he’s about to start drooling.
Every time I think I’m going to get some peace, someone like this comes along;
Let’s agree that, in future, I should only travel with a certain type of people;
Very nice, clean, good-looking, low maintenance people.
Everyone, in other words, who’s like me.
Stuck on this journey together, they could at least put my needs first.
